I'm a Betty

Hello, my name is Amber.

And I'm going blonde. **pics to come, stay tuned**

I've been wanting to do this for about 4 years now, haha. I finally have the cajones to do it. As of late, pre-graduation things have been getting me down. When I get into funks like this, I feel better if I make some sort of change. I guess it makes me feel in control.

Here's where I act like a damn fool. I did the initial dye job (technically Bri did it). The color I found is "Born Blonde- Maximum Blonding for Even the Darkest Hair" which makes me so SO excited. **PS- Br also trimmed my hair, so I have a somewhat new 'do**. After I rinse the dye, I immediately see that while my roots took the color really well, a large portion of my hair came out this weird strawberry/still dark brown look.

My head looks like a fucking monarch butterfly.

Naturally, I'm a little...no, pretty sad by this. Blonde is definitely an extreme I've never tried and I felt like it was a mistake. Bri and I make an executive decision and I put on a hat, head to Wal-Mart and get another box to get maximum coverage (there were also a lot of patches that were missed).

I am now sitting in my living room after applying the second time around....this shit burns. It burned a little before the first time- but second time around I can confidently say 'yes, that IS a burning sensation on my scalp.' In retrospect, I should have listened to my instinct telling me to wait to re-dye...but what's done is done, right?

I put in a movie and am occupying my time to distract myself from the burn. About 45 minutes have passed and the pain has subsided (I have to leave it in for 90 min- crazy, I know). Other things I am doing to forget my head is on fire: checking Facebook, catching up with friends, going over notes for my film class, pondering what I'll write for my essays for my history class aaaaaand writing this blog.

The only thing that really sucks about the wait is that last night, I did not sleep at all. And the night before, I went to bed at 6:30 am. My weekend was very sleep deprived. Last night was pretty rough, knowing I had to work from 8-5 and being stressed out. I came in to work this morning, but only for two hours. I think it was a good call, not only because of the obvious, but I've been told at work that I "need to slow down because you're doing too much work". Finally my boss flat out told me:

"Amber, you have a great work ethic, but you need to slow down. You're a work-a-holic, and take it from someone who knows- you can slow down and give yourself a break. I'm a work-a-holic too and I've sacrificed personal and family relatonships and have had to deal with stress-related health problems. So slow down while you're young enough to know how."

....What do you say to that? It turns out you don't say anything. You go home from work after two hours because of your stress-related insomnia and chill the fuck out. I cleaned my livingroom a bit, listened to some favorites from childhood (I'm not ashamed to say I rocked out to Spice Girls), accompanied Bri on her haircut adventure and got a huge Cherry/Cola slushie and sat in the park with my buddy. This is where the hair dye idea comes in.

After Bri gets her haircut, she wants to color it. After looking at the hair colors, decide I want to do something too- and you know where it goes from there :)

So long story short- I'm finally doing something I've been wanting to do AND I've had a lovely day. Despite the fact that I've had no sleep, I haven't been cranky or sleepy at all today. I do feel that I will sleep heavy tonight :D

Peace and Love

Freud forgot to mention

Hello, my name is Amber.

And I have moustache envy.

Better yet, I have photographic proof. If you already know me, you've already seen these. But I find them hilarious- so I'm putting them up again. My sister Melissa and her kiddo Declan (aka Duckie, The Duck, or Dec- in case you wonder who I'm referring to) came to Portales to visit me last September. I had a senior recital for a play I wrote called 1518 Holdbrook Dr. so they came to check it out. Before they left, we went to Taco Bell for lunch and Declan saw those little toy dispensers that you put the quarters in. He asked if he could get one and he REALLY wanted one from the moustache/sideburn toys.

side note: WHO was the guy (or girl) that decided it would be great to sell fake facial hair to children for $0.75? Did he (or she) get a marketing degree with those spammers? They know extactly what I want!

But I digress- Declan really wants some fake facial hair (keep in mind, he is three years old and I'm fairly certain he doesn't know what it is. But I love it) So Melissa gives me the quarters and starts the car while I attain the 'stache, just as excited as my toddler nephew.

We get in the car, I take it out, and try to put it on Dec. NOW he realizes it's something that goes on his face and wants nothing to do with it. Finally after some coaxing, we stick the grey 'stache on his face and I am forever thankful that my sister is a photographer.

Unfortunately the fun spectacle of " 'stache on toddler" doesn't last long because the glue irritated Duck's face. I put it on, trying to show Dec that it's okay, and the fun began. Both Missy and I got so excited, we scrounged up another 3 quarters and I grabbed another moustache (Keep in mind all of this is happening in the Taco Bell parking lot). The next 'stache was light brown- almost the exact same as my hair. It was too perfect. What ensued next was a photo shoot in the car that lasted a good 30-40 minutes. To be honest, it lasted so long because we were laughng so hard. Dec may not have liked it, but me and Missy thought the 'staches were GOLD.

My fascination with facial hair goes as far back as Kindergarten. It was piture day and I was trying to get ready to "look my best". My mother had put sponge curlers in my hair the night before and I picked out a hunter green sweater with a floral print on the front- I think there were bows on it too. so I have this mess of super curly har and a tacky little sweater (thank you 1993) and I decide that I'm not quite looking my best. I recall that my dad shaves his face every morning before work and THAT'S my ticket. Growing up with two older sisters, there are beauty products EVERYWHERE- one of them being a pink daisy razor. This story could have easily taken a dark and horrible twist- think 5 year old with a razor; eek! But I decided that if I should look my best, I should shave my face, just like Daddy.

Now, it's not that my mother or my sisters are negligent, but it IS 7:30 am and four girls are one bathroom getting ready. So I very gently brush the razor down one cheek (I know you have to be gentle- I've seen Daddy do this about 10 times already; or even Missy when she's shaving her armpits). Okay, so far so good. One cheek down, one to go.

Aaaaand done! Oh....oops, I forgot my chin. Alright, shouldn't be too hard. I mean, I got both cheeks. just a swipe here and a-
...and...
ouch...
Wha-
OUCH!

I knicked myself for the first time. NOT as a pubescent teeneager learning to shave her legs for the first time, but as a Kindergartener trying to look her best for picture day- it HAD to be picture day. Somewhere in the hosue is a picture of me grinning cheek to cheek with a happy new scab on my chin. We would have covered it with a band aid (but me and Becky used them all on our fake wounds- they were glow in the dark Genie from Aladdin, how could be resist?) but instead we took out the Hydrogen Peroxide, cleaned it up and dabbed it dry. I was a trooper ;)

And now for some funny pictures (sorry- kinderphoto not included)

Hurtles

Hello, my name is Amber.

And I'm heartbroken.

I received an email this morning from the Administration Office at the University saying, "Oh hey, you can't graduate because you still need another math class. That Math 101 you took freshman year doesn't count because it's a remedial class. You can still participate in the commencement ceremony, but you won't get your degree. You can take a math class over the summer though."

I am horrible at math. Let me reiterate that- I AM HORRIBLE AT MATH. Just when I thought I had all my ducks in a row, this happens. As if I haven't been stressed out enough with finding another job, raising money to go to San Francisco, maintaining the 21 hours of classes I have now (maximum is 18 hours and I'm taking an orverload because I thought it help me graduate on time), and then other responsible things like paying bills, grocery shopping, and cleaning the apartment.

I have been so stressed out lately- I didn't see something like this coming. How could I though, really? I've said it before and I'll say it again:

I would rather drop out than stay here any longer.

The bullshit that has gone down in the department is enough to make me want to leave, but when I'm going to a school where the majority of a sociology class thinks everyone in America should only speak English because that's what the majority speaks and considers there race "American" (a nationality, not a race you ignorant douchecock)I want to run as fast as I can and never look back.

I'm at work when I get the email informing me of my lack of credits, and I've been fighting back the tears all morning. (I can't really answer the phone 'Information Technology Services, this is Amber, how can I help you?' while crying. Doesn't look good). I am, without a doubt, heartbroken over this. You may think I'm overreacting (it's quite possible that I am), but if you knew how badly I want to leave, you'd understand.

There is a glimmer of hope in all of this. There is a math 107 (intermediate algebra) over the summer from June 6 to July 30. This however is right when I planned on moving to SF and getting settled in. It's going to be really hard, I know, but I'm going to do it.

I would like to leave you with a positive note. The weather is beautiful today and I feel really pretty in my new flowy peasant skirt.

Peace and love.

Sleeping Lessons

Hello, my name is Amber.

And I'm an insomniac. Well, ish.

During the semester, I'm fortunate enough to have a busy schedule that forces me to be at work and class between 8am and 5pm, and even later if I'm doing something for a show so I'm just exhausted enough to go bed at a decent hour. But weekends (and not just weekends, but particularly the summer) are where sleep deprivation becomes my new best friend. We stay up all night and she convinces me to brainstorm plays, make lists of things to donate to goodwill (or as of late- things to sell for a yard sale because my broke ass needs provisions when I graduate), making grocery lists, cleaning my bedroom, space out and day dream (ironic?) about what my next day/week/year will be like. Do not underestimate my power to space out- I can go for HOURS (but that's another blog). I'll paint my toe nails and think about how I want to get my hair cut and check my Facebook JUST ONE LAST TIME.

Oh, but when I DO go to bed at a decent hour, I wake up in the middle of the night. Every night, some time between 3 andd 4. I don't know why- I have a couple of theories why...but again, that's another blog entirely.

My favorite part about being wide awake at these ridiculous hours are the infomercials. I think about half of my channels have infomercial after hours. There's the occasional "Extreme Workout Set!" and numerous kitchen appliances that, I admit, I totally want. But there are some things out there that are beyond my comprehension.

1. HD glasses- http://www.seen-on-tv.ws/mail-order/hd-vision.html
"See the world in HD!"
I don't even have a witty comment for that.

2. Catheters- http://www.trymedicaldirectclub.com/?uid=PS1_GS1_MDC_CAT_CATH
"Stop using dirty catheters!"
This is implying people ARE using dirty catheters?
I was pretty thrown off when I saw this commercial. I was expecting an elderly woman at the Grand Canyon talking about how much she loved her Hover 'Round- not how badly she needed clean catheters.

3. Snuggie- for dogs http://www.seen-on-tv.ws/mail-order/snuggie-for-dogs.html
I thought dogs had fur. Why the HELL would they need a snuggie?

I think one of the down sides of being a night owl in this town is the fact that everything closes at 10 pm, if not earlier. So since I'm awake, it's not like I can go out and do something rather than become an infomercial connoiseur or make a 6th revised list of what to sell.

K, that's enough bitchin'. I've honestly been trying to write this blog for about 2 1/2 hours now, but inbetween multi-tasking and that wonderful ability to space out I mentioned earlier, I haven't gotten very far.

Long story short- "I don't sleep well"

Peace and love

Craig's List

Hello, my name is Amber.

And I'm obsessed with Craig's List. I go on it at least three times a day, maybe more if I'm feeling saucy. Saucey (?). Saucie (?)

side note: I used to be a fantastic speller, but I think ever since I mis-spelled antalope (antelope?) in the sixth grade spelling bee, I've been fucked ever since. God damn you vowels; I'll get you one day.

Back to topic- CL! I look at this site constantly. Especially when I'm at work and I have nothing to do. If you already know me, you know by now I have no car- never have and let's face it- probably never will. So I thought "hey where is a neat place to look for cars without really having to go to a car dealer [because I lack a car to get my ass over there]? I know- the interwebs! I found out that the majority of people selling cars in New Mexico are either selling antiques from the 1920-30's or junk. I fucking kid you not: junk yard cars. I guess it makes sense if I wanted to buy some shitty rusted parts for a "car project".

I love looking for jobs on CL. It makes me feel a little better that other people resort to CL to ask for people to employ- I fucking LOVE it. It gives me hope that I can find a real job after graduating college. Anyway- I once was browsing jobs (in a large city- I typically look in large cities because they have more posts to read. doesn't matter if I live in said city or not. Let me have my fantasy) so I'm looking at a post in LA if memory serves me correctly and it's for a nanny position to a young couple with two small children. They had a great house in a great neighborhood with great neighboors and great shcools. They were a typical young "American Dream" couple. As I kept reading it got a little more interesting. They wanted a live-in nanny. "Okay", I thought "That sounds pretty legit. One wouldn't have to worry about traveling and it's practically free room and board." And it kept getting more interesting.
CL: "We're looking for someone to share with."....
me: 'uh...wha?'
CL: "We want someone open minded who is willing to sleep with both of us."
me: 'uuuuhhh...wha???'
CL: "We're looking to bring someone into our marriage to share both physically and emotionally."
Don't get me wrong, I'm an open minded gal. I have no problem with polyamory. But I thought this was a nanny position and it turned into a personal add? I'm left confused, because technically it's a dual post. It doesn't just fit under personal adds, and it doesn't just fit under jobs. Maybe gigs? Speaking of personal adds...

The part of CL that always, without fail, gives me a good chuckle are the personal adds. I think we can all agree on that. Now I'm not knocking internet dating- I think if you want to find someone using the world wide web, go for it. But if you're looking for "the one" on CL....you're doin' it wrong. Also, what's with allt these "free massages"? I get it, I get it; it's most likely spam (like nearly everything else) but...massages? Really? Do people go to W4M thinking, 'you know what? I WANNA MASSAGE FROM SOME DOUCHE-COCK I MET ON CRAIG'S LIST' (yes, "douche-cock"- if you continue to read my blogs, you'll see that word often. Courtesy of Lisa Lampinelli).

What I want to know is where the fuck did these spammers get a marketing degree? I even get emails testifying: FREE MASSAGES! FREE IPHONES! DO YOU WANT TO MAKE MONEY FROM HOME BY FILLING OUT SURVEYS?!?! See folks, spammers get that I'm a broke-ass college senior looking for some free shit and a job- why aren't the rest of you employers getting the hint?!

Final summation: CL makes me really think about what people are keeping from others-OR- what is really blocked out by popular media regarding what is normal and what isn't. Keep the posts a-comin' Craig's List. If anything you supply me sufficient easy entertainment.


peace and love