Freud forgot to mention

Hello, my name is Amber.

And I have moustache envy.

Better yet, I have photographic proof. If you already know me, you've already seen these. But I find them hilarious- so I'm putting them up again. My sister Melissa and her kiddo Declan (aka Duckie, The Duck, or Dec- in case you wonder who I'm referring to) came to Portales to visit me last September. I had a senior recital for a play I wrote called 1518 Holdbrook Dr. so they came to check it out. Before they left, we went to Taco Bell for lunch and Declan saw those little toy dispensers that you put the quarters in. He asked if he could get one and he REALLY wanted one from the moustache/sideburn toys.

side note: WHO was the guy (or girl) that decided it would be great to sell fake facial hair to children for $0.75? Did he (or she) get a marketing degree with those spammers? They know extactly what I want!

But I digress- Declan really wants some fake facial hair (keep in mind, he is three years old and I'm fairly certain he doesn't know what it is. But I love it) So Melissa gives me the quarters and starts the car while I attain the 'stache, just as excited as my toddler nephew.

We get in the car, I take it out, and try to put it on Dec. NOW he realizes it's something that goes on his face and wants nothing to do with it. Finally after some coaxing, we stick the grey 'stache on his face and I am forever thankful that my sister is a photographer.

Unfortunately the fun spectacle of " 'stache on toddler" doesn't last long because the glue irritated Duck's face. I put it on, trying to show Dec that it's okay, and the fun began. Both Missy and I got so excited, we scrounged up another 3 quarters and I grabbed another moustache (Keep in mind all of this is happening in the Taco Bell parking lot). The next 'stache was light brown- almost the exact same as my hair. It was too perfect. What ensued next was a photo shoot in the car that lasted a good 30-40 minutes. To be honest, it lasted so long because we were laughng so hard. Dec may not have liked it, but me and Missy thought the 'staches were GOLD.

My fascination with facial hair goes as far back as Kindergarten. It was piture day and I was trying to get ready to "look my best". My mother had put sponge curlers in my hair the night before and I picked out a hunter green sweater with a floral print on the front- I think there were bows on it too. so I have this mess of super curly har and a tacky little sweater (thank you 1993) and I decide that I'm not quite looking my best. I recall that my dad shaves his face every morning before work and THAT'S my ticket. Growing up with two older sisters, there are beauty products EVERYWHERE- one of them being a pink daisy razor. This story could have easily taken a dark and horrible twist- think 5 year old with a razor; eek! But I decided that if I should look my best, I should shave my face, just like Daddy.

Now, it's not that my mother or my sisters are negligent, but it IS 7:30 am and four girls are one bathroom getting ready. So I very gently brush the razor down one cheek (I know you have to be gentle- I've seen Daddy do this about 10 times already; or even Missy when she's shaving her armpits). Okay, so far so good. One cheek down, one to go.

Aaaaand done! Oh....oops, I forgot my chin. Alright, shouldn't be too hard. I mean, I got both cheeks. just a swipe here and a-
...and...
ouch...
Wha-
OUCH!

I knicked myself for the first time. NOT as a pubescent teeneager learning to shave her legs for the first time, but as a Kindergartener trying to look her best for picture day- it HAD to be picture day. Somewhere in the hosue is a picture of me grinning cheek to cheek with a happy new scab on my chin. We would have covered it with a band aid (but me and Becky used them all on our fake wounds- they were glow in the dark Genie from Aladdin, how could be resist?) but instead we took out the Hydrogen Peroxide, cleaned it up and dabbed it dry. I was a trooper ;)

And now for some funny pictures (sorry- kinderphoto not included)