Pages

Friday, May 28, 2010

untitled

Hello, my name is Amber

And I'm not sure what I should be feeling.

One week from today, Steph will be pulling into Portales to load the moving van. The Saturday morning we're heading out to San Francisco. She told me that she's had this feeling of excitement, not unlike waiting back stage for an audition. Don't get me wrong, I'm very excited to get out of here, I'm just not feeling that excitement.

I'm leaving family, friends, comfort zones- everything and starting a clean slate. There are no more "learning communities" where I can find other theatre majors, no classes to form new friendships, auditions are actually going to be a challenge.

I'm just worried that my nerves will catch up with me and I'll end up having an anxiety attack in the U-Haul. Well that's a creepy thought. I'm going to print off my stress papers before I leave, for sure. It isn't so as to say that I'm a nervous wreck of a human being, but I admit that I have anxiety issues. I just don't want my first roommate experience to be Steph calming me down and talking me through a hyperventilation.

This can be easily avoided if I just confront my emotions. I'm not very good with goodbyes. I push people away or act like I'm only going away for a weekend. While there are people I don't care to ever see again *coughstevenrobertscough*, it's easier to make a clean break and avoid the mess of saying au revoir.

I want to hug some for hours, others I'd rather punch in the face, and some I'm completely indifferent to. Sometimes people feel obligated to confess their heart's longing to someone they won't see for a long time, or maybe never again. Well, I'm not that kinda girl. If I ever felt something for you, it will remain a mystery.

You know, for someone who's both an actor and playwright, I have a hard time expressing my feelings sometimes. In person, at least. It's easy expressing yourself in writing or by playing a character. But confronting how you feel, face to face, is a little unnerving sometimes. Okay if I don't stop here, this blog is going to go somewhere I really don't want it to go.

That being said....

Peace and Love
-A

Monday, May 17, 2010

indulgence of the third kind

Hello, my name is Amber.

And instead of cleaning, I'm distracting myself with my blog and Stephen Hawking.

There's this show on the Discovery Channel called Into the Universe with Stephen Hawking- so cool. If there's one thing you didn't know about me, it's that I love science. It isn't something I'm necessarily obsessed with, but when I see something on the internet or tv, I'm reminded how much I like it and I wonder why I didn't study something in the science field instead of theatre. If I were to be some sort of scientist, I would be a volcanologist.

"A volcanologist is a person who studies the formation of volcanoes, and their current and historic eruptions. Volcanologists frequently visit volcanoes, especially active ones, to observe volcanic eruptions, collect eruptive products including tephra (such as ash or pumice), rock and lava samples."

How cool would that job be?!

So the Hawking show has ended and now a show about supernovas is on. At first it freaked me out because they were talking about what would happen if a supernova happened near Earth- in short, we would all be fucked. But THEN, as I'm puttering about my living room picking things up, they talk about our universe. They said everything in the universe was the cause of a supernova- the planets, Earth and everything on it, humans. One guy put it in a really neat way. He said, "The atoms in your left hand are from one star while the atoms is your right hand could be from another. You are made of star dust".

Star dust! I got so excited at the thought of being made up of star dust that I called Steph and practically squealed about the new revelation. Well slap my ass and call me Ziggy- I thought it was the coolest thing. With regular programs like Myth Busters and Weird or What and specials about time travel, supernovas and black holes, I think I know exactly how I'll be spending my post-graduate/pre-moving days: feeding my inner nerd with physics theories.

I oughtta get back to cleaning/ learning how the universe works ;)

Peace and Love

Friday, May 14, 2010

The Finish Line

Hello, my name is Amber

and I'm a pansy.

It's the day before graduation, and while it's been incredibly hot all week, it decides to rain today. I love stormy weather (except when the stormy indicates a tornado- that shit is scary). I left work early because I felt a cold coming on, maybe it's allergies I don't know. But as soon as I said "I finished my project, can I go home", it starts to rain. Luckily my co-worker gave me a ride home. I turned on my heater, changed into some sweatpants and checked my email (compulsive habit). I'm by myself (roommate had a final) and the storm starts picking up. Soon the thunder is getting so loud I can feel it reverberating on the ground.

Then the sky cracked open with barrels of thunder that shook the walls. This is where I become a pansy. While I don't mind storms, I do mind the sound of crackling thunder and lightning. It sounds like wood splitting- a sound I am both fond of and a little creeped out by. I don't know where I made the comparison, but I've always imagined the sound of the end of the world sounding like splitting wood.

When I was little, I was very much afraid of thunder. I remember back in Farmington when it would storm, the Glasgow clan of six would turn off the TV, the lights, radio- everything- and we would sit in the living room with the curtains drawn and watch the storm. We had a huge window in the living room (It was practically a wall on its own). And, as the baby of the family, I'd be sitting near my mother with Dolly (the blanket to my Linus), clutching her pillowy cotton stuffed doll body. I wasn't the only kid afraid of the thunder, but I was the one most vocal about it, haha. To make me feel better, my parents told me that the thunder meant the angels were bowling in heaven and the really loud thunder meant they got a strike. Kids will believe anything ;)

So despite the on-again off-again crazy weather and the fact that I might have a cold, today has been great. Mostly because I'm in comfy clothes, had a bowl of baked potato soup (one of my favies) and watched an episode of Modern Family. My finals are done, I found a great radio station that plays my favorite Gen X music (I'm too young to be considered a Gen X-er, but my oldest sister is and I grew up listening to the music. I mean come on, when my friends were listening to Disney sing-a-longs I was listening to Melissa's Nirvana Unplugged, Smashing Pumpkins, Presidents of the United States and Blind Melon cds).

Well, tomorrow is graduation. And then it's three weeks- THREE WEEKS- until Steph and I go out to San Francisco

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sll3eTxsRpw

Peace and Love

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Hey, can you say "boring last post?"

Hello, my name is Amber

And I've been writing some crap lately!

I re-read my last post and thought, "wow, I basically made a laundry list of things that are on my mind". I mean, really, I wrote it in what is probably the most boring effort of telling a story. Dryer than British humor and with less effort at entertainment than Kate Goslin at parenting.

Speaking of Kate Goslin, WWWWHHYYYYYY is she famous? Seriously, I don't even have a television and I see this woman everywhere. Not even just her, but all of these reality tv douchecocks! I am SO annoyed with it all: The (fill in the blank) of love, the real housewives of (location), teen bitches with low self-esteem who are in desperate need of therapy of (trendy city with a beach). As an actor, I consider it appalling and a bastardization of entertainment (ooh, look at me on my high horse, haha). But honestly, I think it's so sad that someone is famous for having 300 children, being on a reality love contest, or getting implants. Do we, as viewers (actually I don't watch that stuff, so I'm gonna say "you, as viewers")- Do you, as viewers, not know what amazing forms of entertainment is out there for you? There's books, there are movies (If it's reality you want, check out a documentary- those don't need a staff of writers). There's this old thing, your grandmother may be able to recall a story about it to you, called The Theatre- no, not a movie theatre- but a stage with real life people acting out situations call a Play.

Okay, that was really mean. But you gotta see where I'm coming from. I've dedicated four years of high school and four years of college working on a Bachelor of Fine Arts in the Theatre. At both schools the Theatre was one of the biggest buildings in the most common area of the campus- and yet some (in some cases, a lot) of people STILL don't know where it is. I've had people ask me, "What's a play? I mean, how is it written? Like a book?" I wouldn't find these questions so retarded if they weren't asked by people who said they've worked on film. Ever read a script? They don't really look all that different. If anyone else asked me, I would just tell them- I'm always willing to answer a question. But from that source, I'm sorry, I can't help but stare and imagine them getting slapped with a script.

Oh by the way, I'm PMS-ing right now in case you were wondering why I seem more catty than usual. Not that you really needed to know what my body is doing, but hey, there you go.

So long rant short: I urge the population to get out more. Go see a play, a band, check out some art, see a new documentary. I know money is scarce, but there are alternatives. Get a library card, go to freedocumentaries.org (hulu has docs as well), check out a local band.

I don't really know what point I'm trying to prove here. My roommate and I were talking about the Tea Party and I got riled up, haha.

Peace and Love

Monday, May 10, 2010

tick...tick...tick...

Hello, my name is Amber

And time is winding down.

I had two yard sales. The first was a pretty good success- I made a little over $300. The second, however, was dismal. the weather was awful and the people were rude. I barely made 1/3 of what I made last time. I ended up donating the remainder to Good Will (always makes me feel good) and sold a couple things to Hastings. I still have a few books and DVD's that weren't good enough for Hastings that I want to keep trying to sell. They're great books, so I don't see why not.

I got a card in the mail today from my Uncle Kevin and Aunt Ceela. It was a very nice card and they expressed how proud they are of me. Not to mention they wrote me check, so that was pretty nice of them too. I need to write them a thank-you letter. Family will be in Friday night, I do believe. I'm pretty excited; I miss my family. I've decied where I want my new tattoo and according to my Father, my Mother wants a tattoo. Maybe we can get one together after the ceremony- can you imagine?!

I still haven't received my money from taxes, and I'm getting a teensy bit worried. Which reminds me I need to call my parents and ask them if they know when it should come in, which ALSO reminds me to call them so I can do my FAFSA for the summer. this last week is truly a doozy, as my Father would say.

When I'm stressed out, I like to make lists. Lists are great!

What I still need to do:
Mail Painting to Jennifer (yup, I sold a painting!)
Mail books to Valore so I can get my money from them
Steam graduation gown
Deposit check from Kevin and Ceela
Laundry
Clean my bedroom/ rest of apartment
Build professional resume so I can apply for jobs
FAFSA

I think that's it. I carry nearly all of my tension in my upper back, and it's starting to feel like golf balls in some places, haha. Lucky for me, Steph will be going to school to become a message therapist. If she needs to practice, I insist I help her. After all, what are friends for?

There's not much else going on, so I guess I'll leave it at that ;)

Peace and Love

Thursday, May 6, 2010

beeeeee positive!

Hello, my name is Amber.

And these last couple of weeks are proving difficult.

The track pad n my phone is stuck, so Bri and I go to Clovis to the Sprint store to get it fixed. They can't fix it and tell me I have to go to a Corporate store and the closest one is in Lubbock, TX. Luckily we both had time to do this, and well, long story short we went on a wild goose chase to find the damn corporate store. We went to three regular stores until we found the one we were looking for. I get there, tell them what's wrong with it and come to find out they can't fix it, so they're going to send me a replacement phone. Should be here by Monday, the latest. But when that comes in, I need to find a way back to Clovis so they can set it up for me. All of this during dead week!

My new computer doesn't have Microsoft Office, so I haven't been able to type my papers for my final in Film Appreciation (the papers that were originally due by noon on Friday, but Janeice has it in her mind that they need to be done before Friday so they can be graded...I think she's just lazy) I still have to watch 2 films and take quizzes on them- gonna go for that today after class.

I have 2 finals knocked out- both were given early to us. I have another final today in aerobics. So during finals week, I still have to do Music Reading, Acting for the Camera (we're just watching our films), History 101...I think that's it. Taking 21 credit hours is a bitch, that's all I have to say.

I told a friend earlier (I think like a couple of weeks ago) that 'things will get better- it's always darkest before dawn'. I oughta take my own advice. I'm graduating next saturday, I'll be working extra hours to earn some money, I have a yard sale this saturday that I'm looking forward to, oh...AND I'M MOVING TO SAN FRANCISCO WITH MY BEST FRIEND. The way things are now, and if that advice is true, my dawn is going to be pretty bright.

Peace and Love

Monday, May 3, 2010

Paul Hayes

Hello, my name is Amber

And I am disgusted.

I was having a lovely monday, until Paul Hayes came into the office. Huffing and puffing and refusing to pay. He wanted to check out some software and after I opened his file, I saw he had already had that SW out. Our procedure and agreement with Microsoft is that you must pay $25.00 to the Cashiers office and bring us your receipt in order to check out another copy of said SW. While I was trying to tell Paul Hayes this, he LITERALLY interrupts me with "wah wah wah wah wah".

Me:"Excuse me?"
Pig: "I talked to Becky [one of our managers] and she said all I had to do was sign a copy and get my cd. She never said I had to PAY anything"
Me: "Well it's part of our procedure that you need to pay-"
Pig: "I'm a professor here and I'm not going to pay if Becky says I don't have to. I have a new computer that needs this software. Because it's a new computer, I don't need to pay for another one."
*****how the hell does that make any sense?*****
Me: "Well if you had a special arrangement with Becky, she should have called us to let us know. It would have saved a lot of time."
Pig: "...Yeah"

He continued to be an asshole and ask retarded questions like "is there a product key on here somewhere?"--YES, it's on the back on the bright yellow strip AND it also mentions where you can find it on the insert- read, motherfucker! I also like how I tell him he needs to initial each check mark to prove he has read and understood each statement and he continues to put a dash by it. I had to stop him and enforce that our contract with Microsoft states that we need an initial- not a check mark, and he still fails to comprehend why- but complies to initial.

Now this is just me being a bitch, but for god's sake- TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY! This man is so overweight, he had a hard time breathing while leaning over to sign his contract, McDonald's cup in tote. I've seen enough documentaries and have read enough essays and journals to know that, yes, some people do have a thyroid problem that affects their weight and they can't control that. But for people who disregard their health completely and make the choice to pack 1,000 calories per McMeal- you should have a little more respect for your body. I'm not saying "never eat out", but damn, take care of your self before you have a McStroke.

Other than this annoying bull-crapo, I had a lovely day. The weather was awesome, I wore my cute new cardigan, and I finished my SOC 101 final early. But let it be known, if you treat someone with that much disrespect, all I have to say is Karma is an unforgiving bitch.

Peace and Love